Afternoon tea is one of life's gentle luxuries. No more so than when taken in the company of close friends where lively conversation is matched with delicious scones, sandwiches and cakes beautifully and elegantly served in the most pleasing and attractive of settings. Such was the case recently at Horsted Place, a rather splendid country house hotel set deep in the Sussex countryside.
That the experience was presumptuously dismissed by a young friend, who had been treated to the occasion, as "meaningless" did somewhat draw our breath. That this had formed part of a gift of a birthday celebration comprising a five day, first visit to the United Kingdom should, we assume, be regarded as irrelevant. That the entire trip should pass with little in the way of a thank you, for such we are told are "empty words", should, we imagine, be a matter of indifference. That we should ourselves feel as an outcome somewhat lacking in value is, surely, a failing on our part. After all, have we not been brought up on the prayer of Saint Ignatius whereby we are extolled "to give and not to count the cost"?
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| Jane Hattatt ruminates on the standards of politeness in today's world |
There was a time, seemingly now in the Dark Ages, when politeness and common courtesy were to be found in abundance. It was, in the way of modern parlance, 'cool' to say thank you, to appear interested in and enthusiastic for whatever was on offer. Put simply, to delight in receiving and to have joy in giving. Flowers appeared in response to a lunch invitation, wine to one for dinner, whilst an overnight stay would, as a matter of course, be followed with the ubiquitous 'bread-and-butter' letter. Sadly today's post box has little to show beyond bills and one looks forlornly for an email or text message.
But perhaps it is we who are out of kilter, to use a deliciously old fashioned phrase? It is we who need to 'get a life'. Indeed, to draw upon a completely unsolicited comment left, but not published, on a recent post of ours by a fellow blogger, previously unknown to us:
"This is one of the most boring blogs that I have ever stumbled upon".
We beg forgiveness. We crave your forbearance. We shall try harder!
Dearest Jane & Lance
ReplyDeleteYou are certainly not out of kilter. Your compass or GPS is set at the proper setting at all times. How sad that the young woman could not have learned from your example. As my American southern friend would say:
"don't waste your time throwing pearls to the swine" Or as our late dear friend Keith would say "you cannot make a silk purse from a sow's ear".
I am sorry that this display of ignorance by the young woman and the "commenter" had to happen to two of the kindest, erudite and gentle souls.
Helen xx
Darling Helen,
DeleteThank you for these kind words. You, of course, are always so generous in spirit with a love of life that we admire hugely.
It was, as it happens, a young man not a young woman. And, to add to your most apposite quotation, "A man's manners are a mirror in which he shows his portrait" (Goethe) is, perhaps, an uneasy thought for the future.
How very disrespectful and hurtful, to be treated with such a lack of appreciation, dear Jane and Lance. You are, of course, beautifully mannered, and the young could learn so much from you. I am quite sure you smooth the path for many in your life. As for the blogger, 576 enthusiastic Followers cannot be wrong! But I am curious as to why on earth anybody would want to spend time writing hurtful and silly comments - perhaps I am the one out of kilter with today's world!
ReplyDeletePS - I think Afternoon Tea in a beautiful setting is the most attractive meal of all!
Thank you so much for this, Patricia. One does learn in life, as you will know only too well yourself, to be philosophical and one can never please all of the people all of the time. The mistake, perhaps, is even to try.
DeleteThe unsolicited comment was extraordinary and we do not totally understand why the writer, who to be fair was not Anonymous, should be bothered to leave a comment at all. But, it takes all sorts.......!!
Good Morning Jane and Lance, I do feel the world is changing and sadly, thank you, either by word or letter seems to be disappearing, which I think is such a shame. For instance, I took a great deal of time to make, what I felt, was a beautiful quilt for a newborn within our family, but, I did not receive a thank you letter. I assume the recipients were pleased to receive the quilt, but who knows.
ReplyDelete.... and as for the unkind comment left by a fellow blogger, I don't think you need to worry, as the amount of comments you receive, testify to how enjoyable your blog is to read.
Best Wishes to you both,
Daphne
We are somewhat shocked to read what you say of your handmade quilt, Daphne, given as a gift but not, sadly, altogether surprised. Sometimes, or so it seems to us, too much is taken for granted - perhaps too easily come by. And in such circumstances one is always left wondering.
DeleteThe comment was very strange but, happily, did not upset us at all. Indeed we found it quite funny.
How sad that your guest was so lacking in manners - you are most certainly not out of kilter! I hope that my own children will grow up with excellent manners; I'm horrified by the lack of civility shown by some these days.
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for that mean-spirited blogger. S/he is obviously a sad soul who has no taste or manners.
I'm so pleased to have found your fabulous blog!
Yes, Ruth, there does generally seem to be, as you put it, a lack of civility in today's world. Something which we find odd but have to come to terms with.
DeleteEach one of us has blogs which we like and enjoy and we all know of those which are not, for whatever reason, for us. But it seems to us unnecessary to make gratuitously unpleasant comments.
Oh, and Horsted looks amazing! Incidentally it's quite close to where I was born!
ReplyDeleteIf you have the chance, Ruth, do treat yourself [or, better still, be treated] to Afternoon Tea at Horsted. It is delicious and beautifully and professionally served. What a wonderful area in which to have grown up.
DeleteJane and Lance - soldier on! I am continually shocked by the lack of good manners in the 21st century! I believe in a thank you, a feigned interest even when I am disinterested out of respect to the other person. I was brought up to respect my elders. Years ago, when my children were 8 and 11, we took them to Walt Disney World for the first time. The actors playing Bert and Mary Poppins, after they had signed my children's "autograph books" took Barry and I aside and said "Your children are the most polite and lovely children we have come across in weeks and weeks". You couldn't have given me higher praise as a mother! Take heart dear ones that you are much appreciated and ignore the wretched blogger! And you are looking very old school and wonderful in that picture Jane! Have a wonderful day!
ReplyDeleteWe are so pleased, Wendy, to learn that we are not alone in deploring a general lack of good manners. Yes, and there are occasions when 'feigned interest' is no more and no less than a kindness to others who, after all, are giving of their time.
DeleteHow really wonderful to have had that said of your children. That is a memory worth having and does, in any event, restore one's faith in the young.
Thank you so much for these very kind and generous words.
Oh my dear Jane and Lance, how disappointing people can be sometimes! I'm not sure it is just the young who can be so rude and unappreciative; I think there are some personalities in this world who believe they are the centre of it, can do and say what they like without censure, and don't dwell on the impact on others of their words or actions. It is unkind; how upsetting to be on the receiving end of such studied and disrespectful ennui.
ReplyDeleteI am sure a delightful afternoon tea in a beautiful setting with your delicious company would be a joy!
As to the hideous troll who left that comment on your blog - well, the old adage of "If you can't find anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all" might apply. Seriously, why would anyone leave a hateful comment? If you don't like a blog, then don't read it, go elsewhere, there's no need to be rude. Your blog is a gentle, thoughtful, beautiful, artistic and informed place to be, I like it here. Thank you for having me! xxx
'How disappointing people can be' sums it all up so well. And you are right, it is by no means always the young but very often those who are older who should, perhaps, know how to behave in a better way. There does, whatever, as you pinpoint here, seem to be a total disregard for the consequences of both words and actions.
DeleteIt seems to us extraordinary too to bother to write something unpleasant and for no given reason. In this particular instance we had never previously come across the person's blog, least of all left a comment.
Well, I must need to get out more, too! As for polite and manners; I teach adolescents and every day I am actually confounded by the goodness of my publicly educated workers...I know, lucky. Although, I have seen the flip side in other guises. I love your blog. Kind regards, Flora.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Flora, for taking the time and trouble to leave a comment. We too spent many years teaching adolescents and have huge admiration for the young who are, after all, our future. In this instance our friend, although a student, is well beyond his teenage years.
DeleteGood manners and common courtesy seem no longer, sadly, to be on the the curriculum either in the home or in schools these days. I've lost count of the number of times I've remonstrated with youngsters who have tried to push in front of me through doors and in queues - and I'm on crutches! And on occasions their parents (usually mothers) have shouted at me for telling their offspring off! Although I hate to sound like my (long departed) mother, the world is not as pleasant place as it used to be, certainly in the way that people behave towards each other. Weren't we taught to put others first? I remember being told years ago in church that the word 'Joy' meant 'Jesus first, Others next, Yourself last'. Now it's just 'Me First', it appears. Wasn't it William of Wyckeham who said 'Manners mayketh man', which I believe was (and possibly still is) the motto of Winchester College? Oh dear - I'm sounding like a grumpy old woman again!! But I'm so sorry that two of the most delightfully mannered and cultured people I've come across (even if only through the medium of modern technology) have been treated in such a cavalier and uncouth way, particularly under those circumstances. Your blog made me really sad for you both. If it's not inappropriate, consider yourselves hugged, and thanked for all your delightful blogs.
ReplyDeleteAll that you write here about an overall lack of good manners and common courtesy, Helva, is, we regret to say, also so often in our experience. And, indeed, any attempt to remonstrate can lead to verbal abuse which seems to be freely given in so many instances. We agree, the world is no longer quite the pleasant place we once thought it to be and 'Me First' does seem to be increasingly the norm.
DeleteYes, that is most certainly as we understand it the motto of Winchester and we should not totally lose heart that for many, of all ages, it does still have meaning.
Thank you so much for these very kind words and for having taken the trouble to write them. We both appreciate them enormously and they have served to lighten our day.
Dear Jane and Lance - "Manners Maketh Man" - how often I regret the demise of 'please' and 'thank you' along with the obligatory letter of thanks. We have today received a lovely invitation to a Golden Wedding luncheon, and replies can be made by email. However, I shall respond in my normal way with the ubiquitous letter, must keep my mother's standards up.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sad person your unknown blogger must be, but remember instead all the legion of followers who are so caring, thoughtful, and polite.
Incidentally all of the YOUNG waiters, cleaners, receptionists etc at the hotel we stayed at in Greece were politeness personified, so there is hope for the future.
It is so strange, Rosemary, but there is a demise of 'please' and 'thank you' and it is not, or so we believe, entirely in our imaginations. We are certain that the hosts of the Golden Wedding luncheon to which you have been invited will be thrilled to receive a written acceptance, something which afterwards can be kept with other mementoes of the occasion [the plural of 'memento looks rather strange but can, apparently, be spelt with either an 's' or 'es'!!].
DeleteOne of the wonderful things about the Blogosphere, which you know only too well yourself, is the very real friendships which are formed and which often translate into real life. We are not dismayed.
Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear to that, that you two have been recipients of two totally unnecessary and uncalled for impolite gestures (and yes, very unfair). You two are refined enough to be able to brush this off with panache but still it solicits disbelief that such lack of manners and outright rudeness exists.
ReplyDeleteChin up! Your continued kind gestures will be appreciated greatly by the majority who receive and you have have a fabulous blog!
Such is the way of the world, Mark and Gaz, and we have not in any sense allowed it to get us down or to throw us off balance. Rather, we think of so many of our young friends who are so very thoughtful, kind and appreciative.
DeleteAnd YOU both are so very kind in what you write here.
You are not out of kilter - they are. There is no greater joy than giving hospitality, and no greater joy than having your efforts acknowledged. The rude person who did not enjoy afternoon tea will find that invitations to any social event will dry up fairly quickly if they go out into life with such attitude.
ReplyDeleteI blame the parents. If you are well brought up, you will say thank you, even if you had a horrendous time.
As for that blogger..... Well, there is room on the internet for all sorts of blogs. Not everyone has to write about the latest fashions from ASOS/ Forever 21/ Zara/ Anthropology and ensure they have Macarons strategically positioned next to every item they photograph. You have a lot of interested readers, me included. xx
ps. I love afternoon tea, nothing better - please invite me along next time, I'll be very appreciative!
It is most kind of you to say this, Heidi, for if one is not careful these things can throw one off balance.
DeleteYes, sadly, one is reluctant to risk a similar response a second time and so, in these cases it is, as you say, the recipient who loses out. In this instance we do feel that the parents would be very embarrassed at the behaviour of their son.
We have laughed at what you say here about bloggers - it does of course take all kinds to make the world go round! And how we should enjoy sharing afternoon tea with you.
I have received unkind comments before as well but I always try to concentrate on the positive ones. We love your blog :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for these words of encouragement. We cannot imagine why anyone should write unkind comments on your blog, or anyone else's come to that.
Deletehi jane...love your picture..
ReplyDeleteIts nice to have manners..but they are superficial gestures. The important point are ones intentions.
If you feel dissapointed, that means you have unconscious expectations, and you arent in reality but in your fantasy...If you blame others for making you irritated , then you are placing your happiness in others hands and making happiness a condition-which is sure to fail..
transcendental happiness is happy come rain or shine- as opposed to the fair weather friend...Real happiness is the now.stripped of our expectations
so like the zen master who drinks from a broken tea cup, break up your tea party... dont try so hard..allow experiences to unfold without expecting some result... when the moment becomes surprising, life then becomes more interesting ..
We are so pleased that you like the picture. Thank you!
DeleteWe do understand completely what you say here although we should, perhaps for ourselves, never regard manners [and here we assume we are talking of 'good' rather than 'bad', however they may be defined] as 'superficial gestures'. With regard to your comment on unconscious expectations, then we are in total agreement and do believe that this is a trap into which we all fall unwittingly from time to time.
But, lest we give a false impression, we are not at all irritated by our recent experience with our friend but, set within the context not outlined here, we should possibly have thought to have a different reaction. But, and this we believe, that the individuality of the individual is of paramount importance.
We do, we assure you, adhere to living the life extraordinary.
How terrible that such a joyful occasion should be marred by such ungratefulness, uncaring, thoughtlessness and downright rudeness. I so often come across it as well in every day life and it has made me almost a hermit in the UK, I don't enjoy going out at all. Things here in our little corner of France are different, people are polite, warm and welcoming. I am also blessed with three grown up sons, who are the kindest, most helpful and polite people I know. They care, which is a rare thing in today's world. I also find refuge in a most wonderful circle of blogging friends. I am so lucky to be part of an arty/crafty blogging community which delights in giving and receiving, and the generosity and caring of these bloggers is quite legendary. As long as there are people like that, I can ignore and dismiss the other kind.
ReplyDeleteIt did rather sadden us at the time to learn that what we had taken to be a very happy occasion, and one spent with other very dear friends, should have meant so very little. However, one does learn by one's mistakes and we shall not repeat it.
DeleteIt is so good to hear that in your daily lives in France you have such happy experiences. And this is normally very much the case with us here in Hungary.
Your sons sound wonderful in the way in which they care. You are indeed blessed but we suspect that they are only returning the love and support which you give to them.
As for the blogging community, we have in nearly every case found nothing but kindness.
Dear Jane and Lance,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, invite me for afternoon tea anywhere, and you would be left in no doubt how grateful I am, unlike your guest, who, if you let me know the blog, I should be delighted to have bludgeoned. Some manners should just be part of everyone, but are unfortunately on a steady decline. A few posts back, I mentioned William of Wickhams famous quote Manners maketh man'. If you google the quote, it disheartening to see that one of the first references has somebody asking what it means! Need I say more, well, perhaps only that I find your blog wonderful, intelligent, and amusing. Keep it up, and don't forget, I love afternoon tea!
We know that we should have such a good time sharing Afternoon Tea with you, Gary, and Amanda. Indeed, we never think of you when not at work as being very far removed from the tea or coffee pot!! And certainly knowing of what you write, your would more than enjoy Horsted Place.
DeleteNow what you say here about 'Manners maketh man' is a little depressing but something of a reflection of the times in which we live.
And thank you for your kind words about the blog!!
I'm astonished. Life is too short for such unpleasant events: I still can't understand why some people seem don't bother to spoil it like this.
ReplyDeleteLots of love
We too were not a little taken aback!! But the full story, and more, will be revealed when the four of us are together which, happily, will be before very long now. We cannot wait and send you both all of our love. xxx
DeleteI suppose the thank you note or even email is an age thing for those of us of a certain age. Disappointing, yes. Understandable, no, not really either. But surely not general politeness! Give and receive graciously, and in the case of giving, if you can't give graciously without expectations, don't give at all. Nevertheless, who would want to give without expectations without the expectation of being thanked? At the end of the day, in the fullness of time, and any other appropriate metaphor that comes to mind, we must do as we feel appropriate.
ReplyDeleteYou could of course set a cat among pigeons (I don't normally speak in metaphors) and send the young person a thank you note for their attendance.
Possibly you are right, Andrew, that the thank you letter or written card is age related and we are living in very different times with a completely different set of values. But that does not, as far as we are concerned, excuse a modicum of politeness which, after all, simply serves to oil the wheels of society [a metaphor chosen particularly with you in mind!].
DeleteYes, finally, we must, as you say, do whatever we feel to be appropriate.
Now, we rather like your last idea but fear that the irony might be lost!
Yes, you are right that the irony would be lost.
DeleteSadly, true!!
DeleteJane and Lance this is all really discouraging. Life becomes grim indeed when people are rude and forget their manners.
ReplyDeleteIt is my fear that my children will be rude to someone, when they go anywhere I always say to them "remember your beautiful manners", it's a trick see, I'm telling them their manners are perfect and they are confident enough then to be polite and uphold their accomplishments.
I'm not sure why we've had this turn in society, civility and proper manners were once something everyone aspired to and now, what are they aspiring to?
Have a lovely day both of you.xox
We are really, Dani, greatly encouraged by your use of the word 'discouraging' for that is, at the end of the day, really what it is all about. And you are right, it makes life that little bit grimmer when, instead, there should be increased joy.
DeleteDo we not all learn through example? We are certain that you need have no worries at all where your own children are concerned.
Interestingly, what are the values to which the majority aspire these days? Now there is a blog post, boring or otherwise!!!!
I enjoy afternoon tea very much, and Horsted Place looks lovely. There is no excuse for bad manners, and it really is poor form when someone being treated to an occasion dismisses it as meaningless. I appreciate we don't all like the same things, but your kindness should have been acknowledged regardless.
ReplyDeleteI still send handwritten letters of thanks, I'm considered a little odd, but I feel if someone has gone to the trouble of doing something for me, it deserves more than a quick text.
As for the comment on your blog, in these instances I always think of the words repeated by Thumper in Bambi: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." His grammar is a bit off, but his meaning is spot on.
You would, we are sure, enjoy everything about Horsted Place enormously, Tracey, for it is an hotel where every consideration is given to ensure the comfort and well-being of the guests.
DeleteOf course, we totally agree, we cannot all be expected to like all of the same things. What a bore that would be. But in this instance, as part of a birthday treat, what, we ask ourselves, was there not to like? It is not as if our young friend were a difficult teenager at an awkward age.
We shall in future bear Thumper in mind.
Dear Jane and Lance,
ReplyDeleteI am writing this with pain in my heart and a lump in my stomach thinking that someone could be so rude and unfeeling to the generosity of kind people. I am sure that I bore people with my stories and love of places and experiences that may not be their cup of tea, but I have never been in the company of anyone who was so crass as to tell me so. However, I could tell by their eyes, but that does not hurt as much as words said or the absence of the polite and necessary words owed. Hopefully, you will not have to spend anymore of your precious time with this inconsiderate fool.
We can only hope for Karma to come to him or her.
We are more than a little touched by the kindness of your words, Arleen. We did feel very hurt at the time by a remark, from someone for whom we very much care, which we could only interpret as being, at best, thoughtless and unfeeling. But that, of course, is our problem but we shall ensure that we do not make the same mistake twice.
DeleteWhatever, life does move on and we must learn to forgive and forget.
Lawks! Try harder! Please remain just the same thank you kindly. I am flabbergasted by such poor, poor manners and try very hard to maintain standards in our little corner of the world. I recently accosted two grown men (aged 60 approximately - for some reason I feel that is an important point!) and asked if they would kindly not swear in the street....I was promptly sworn at of course but I would not be swayed! I have drilled into my children that the two things I cannot abide (therefore they should never do) are being lied to and being rude - that includes the virtual world. You are both the epitome of that genteel, cultured society which so many of us are hankering for : I am quite sure that is why your blog is so popular.
ReplyDeleteBesides which Jane you look lovely in your jolly titfer!
Best wishes and carry on
Jenny
PS: Could Timea possibly offer a blog posting on household management?
You are, Jenny, as always so very kind and our own lives are hugely enriched and entertained with the comings and goings at 'The Custards'.
DeleteYes, in the instance which you give here of a case of rudeness the age is at least relevant if not important. Somehow or other, rightly or wrongly, we do expect more in the way of example from an older generation. Swearing in the street is not at all nice, to be sworn at is decidedly unpleasant and something which, sadly, is becoming part of the pattern of everyday life.
To be lied to is something we also abhor for it shows a total lack of respect for the individual.
As an old friend of mine, sadly departed, used to say, whenever anything untoward occurred: 'Laugh and drive on'.
ReplyDeleteI've always imagined the saying, which I often remember, originating in an age when to 'drive on' meant to click your tongue at the horses (for some reason I can always see two) to stir them back into action and so head off. continuing your journey, which takes you along a country track with a wonderful view and a breathtaking sky full of cumulus clouds. xx
There is much wisdom in the saying of your old friend, Grant, and as you will know, it takes rather more than this to get us down although there is, as you doubtless might know, more to tell. Perhaps one evening in 'M' or over a curry in that excellent Indian restaurant you once took us to.
DeleteIn today's world, driving on for you would probably mean a very, very fast motor car, hugely stylish in appearance!! Take care. xxx
The Duchess of Bedford created the concept and practice of afternoon tea 170 years ago for a very practical reason - to get from lunch to a very later dinner without fainting from hunger.
ReplyDeleteBut much more than that, afternoon tea has become a ritual of friendship, collegiality and good manners. Whether I am the hostess or not, I hope the other participants are nicely dressed, well mannered and sociable.
There you go! Afternoon tea as a metaphor for the good life, well lived.
We totally endorse the Duchess of Bedford's idea of the importance of afternoon tea as a means of staving off hunger between lunch and dinner. As we tend to have dinner late ourselves, we rather like a cup of tea [or often coffee] between four and five with, on occasion, something to eat. And, of course, it can become, as you say, a very pleasant social event.
DeleteBy the way, the Bedfords have an amazing Canaletto collection at Woburn. Perhaps you have visited and seen the paintings?
Oops. I wrote a comment, and it seems to have vanished... oh well, I send you both a hig and wish I could hear your laugh, Jane (actually, I can, if I try hard :-) xx
ReplyDeleteNo, Grant, it is above. All comments go 'for approval' which is, in effect, a personal form of censorship!! xxx
DeleteI meant a hug, not a hig, tsk, which maybe sounds like a cross between a hug and a hickey? xx
ReplyDeleteActually, we were rather excited at the prospect of a 'hig'. Cause for more merriment and pealing laughter out loud!!!
DeleteYes, the world is changing, unfortunately not for the better. Raising children with good manners often doesn't happen anymore, perhaps because parents don't take the time and have the ridiculous mindset that the schools should be the teachers of everything, including civility, kindness, appreciation, and all the human traits that make each one of us a polite and decent person. Teachers have enough to do with the insane curriculums they are forced to follow - learning manners has to come from the home and MUST be taught from a very early age, long before attending school!
ReplyDeleteI hope perhaps this young woman is just a procrastinator and that she will come through with a hand written thank you - the proper way always, no texts or e-mails. I've always made it a point to give young people in my family a box of 'thank you' cards at an early age (childlike ones such as Winnie the Pooh), and when possible, sat down with them to assist with what to write as soon as they were able to form their letters! Hopefully it worked……..although I admit, the teenage grandkids do intend to text these days - then as they age out they return to writing a little note - and I am thrilled!
Off now, we are in the middle of severe weather here - under a tornado watch and chance of flash flooding - the garden is getting saturated as I write!
Happy day dears.
Hugs - Mary
Perhaps it is, Mary, as one becomes older one sees things in a wider perspective and one appreciates more the vulnerabilities of all human kind and, where possible, one does not wish to cause distress. Those younger may, for all we know, be less sensitive to this. That said, we do so agree that politeness, good manners, civility even, must all stem from the home and cannot in their entirety be the responsibility of teachers and schools. And the sooner such things are learnt, the better.
DeleteAs it happens in the case of which we write, the young friend, in his late twenties, is a man and we do not, at this stage, expect much else to come from him.
The idea of encouraging young people with 'thank you' cards is an excellent one for they are often easier to write and take up less time but show both thought and appreciation. It is always such joy to receive something hand written over which trouble has been taken [as we write we are looking at a picture postcard!!].
We are most alarmed to read of the appalling weather conditions in parts of the United States. Do take great care. Much love from us both. xxx
Your posting today reflects what seems to be happening throughout my own world. I recently sent a thank you note to a couple who had wined and dined me, and they actually thought that I had joked with them by thanking "old-style!"
ReplyDeletePerhaps your young "friend" will eventually come around to a different mode of thinking when he makes a connection between his actions and a lack of any real friends. But that might take a long time, too.
This is in all respects such a sadness, Mark, and a reflection on society today. And that your thank you note should under any circumstances be seen as old fashioned is, at best, a little depressing.
DeleteThe second point which you make here is exceedingly perceptive [and we do not wish at all to sound patronising] and something which we have long since considered. It is to be hoped although, as we all know, there are no certainties in life.
Manners are needed more now than ever. Many seem unaware of the importance of manners, grace, gratitude etc.... I think the trick seems to be in how these important values and behaviors are taught or passed on.... let me know when you have the answer :-) I am sorry to hear that you had such an experience. :-(
ReplyDeleteWhat you say here is so right, Matthew. In so many instances those values which we believe to have merit are simply not taught or, if so, ignored. Now, we may be a while coming up with the answer!!
Deletein far too many instances people are too lazy and self important for politeness but there are still a few who pave the way of remembrance of days gone by, a lady at the grocery the other day saw me looking in my wallet and sorting my dollar bills, she said if you don't have enough money I'll pay for your groceries, I said I was just sorting the dollars but thanked her just the same, she indeed meant to pay for my groceries, so sad you had to be the brunt of rudeness and unkindness.
ReplyDeleteThere is something in what you say here, Linda, about laziness and, in particular, self-importance with so many people but we should never overlook the kindnesses, such as you describe here, which are to be found in the most unexpected of life's corners.
DeleteSo sad, good manners do seem to be a thing of the past, too bad because grace and appreciation are both free and one of the things that makes life so much richer. As far as you leading a boring life...that is so ridiculous it is funny!
ReplyDelete'Grace'. What a wonderful word to describe what it is we all wish for in life. And, as you rightly say, Adrienne, it costs nothing.
DeleteAs for the unpleasant comment - we recovered within seconds!!!
People have changed the way of many aspects of our lives including manners.
ReplyDeleteI recall several years ago the lady living next door spent two days in hospital so I bought some flowers and delivered them to her at her door, she in turn told me she didn't want them, to take them home to my house which I did. Rather strange I thought!
However, I do have friends and family that come for dinner and bring a bottle of wine or a bunch of flowers, and often a phone call or email within the following week thanking me.
I also see many who do not have good manners, a please and thank you for me is a must.
What a very strange reaction to your gift of flowers. We do not really understand, as we are certain that you did not either at the time.
DeleteIt is always so nice when people do bring a small gift and although neither necessary or expected it does show thoughtfulness and kindness, both of which are always appreciated. Yes, please and thank you do not require much in the way of effort.
Dear both, please don't take to heart the comment of the 'blogger'.
ReplyDeleteIt most likely came as a form of spam originated automatically from a computer rather than anyone who actually took the time to read your blog. Before I figured out how to stop it I had a couple of these too. They are just out to get your attention and the following up of their link, by yourselves plus anyone else who read it had it been published.
I have only recently found you, but so far your posts are far from boring!
This is so kind of you, Jessica. No, we really have not taken it to heart. In the blogger's 'defence', he did not appear as Anonymous and his blog, which is perfectly normal with Followers, does actively exist. It just seems to us such a very strange thing to write since in general everyone in the Blogosphere is always so very kind and supportive.
DeleteAnd how nice of you to have found us!!
Hmmm... I think I share your feeling of being somehow 'out of kilter'. It takes the teenagers in my world quite some time to realise that being 'nice' is not a sign of weakness, nor being 'polite' as a pointless exercise. I worry about the future.... Jx
ReplyDeleteWe totally identify with what you write here, Jan. Indeed, we are often remarking that kindness should not be seen as weakness. It is such an indictment of society today that, so often, to be polite is regarded as a 'pointless exercise'. The future is a cause for concern.
DeleteWhat a silly young perisher...bang goes any further chance to enjoy the good things of life in good company.
ReplyDeleteGood manners - to me - is not just the mechanical repetition of 'please' and 'thank you' but the willingness to communicate, to reciprocate, to assist and I always appreciate the young men and women selling veg in the streets of San Jose who pick out the items I want and help me to reorganise the contents of my shopping bag to keep fragile stuff at the top.
They don't have a penny with which to bless themselves, but they are, every one of them, ladies and gentlemen.
And as for the unpleasant remark...I think Rusty Duck may well be right - but what a way in which to draw attention to yourself!
Thoughtless and rude, Helen, but possibly those things we consider add joy to life are not appreciated or understood in the same way.
DeleteNo, there should be nothing mechanical about good manners but rather, as you say here, to communicate and, in so doing, to establish and strengthen relationships. The people who you meet on your daily rounds in San Jose are doing exactly that as, it must be said, are those who we meet on a regular basis in similar situations here in Budapest.
As for the unpleasant comment, forgotten as a dream. Well, almost!!
Named and shame this ungrateful, ill-bred 'friend'. Common civility costs nothing. But that's foreigners for you, she probably felt intimidated by that kind of environment. I firmly believe that children should be taught a conventional code of conduct. I might have shoplifted once or twice in my youth, but I always left a thank you note on the shelf.
ReplyDeleteWell, not quite named, Mitzi, but possibly shamed. Always assuming that such an emotion is felt which, sadly, we rather doubt.
DeleteNow, do please remind us when you visit to count the teaspoons before you leave. We will not be satisfied with a note: 'Filched five. Ta, ever so!!'
Oh, my Dears!
ReplyDeleteI’m SO sorry this happened to you. (said in my most kind and loving and gentle Ganjin voice---I’m told it works wonders beyond mere Bang-Dades and kisses). Can you fathom the thinking of a person who’d THINK such a thing, let alone say it out loud?
It is to be hoped that all tickets, outings, dinners, and excursions on his behalf were summarily offered to more congenial and worthy company before another invitation could be issued.
To turn the old phrase topsy-turvy, and mean every word: An afternoon spent in such company, such a setting, with such gracious hospitality and conversation and delectable fare---I could dine IN on that for weeks, and in the remembering, not wish for more.
(And I get that little bubble of joy at the mention of a “bread and butter” letter, for I was beginning to think that they had disappeared into that void of white gloves, dinosaurs and lost socks, save for Dear Miss Austen, me, and yourselves, of course). Doesn’t it connote a time so well spent and so enjoyed, that the sustenance of it urges a pen-and-paper acknowledgement. Even a “Tx 4 the tea!” appearing on some electronic device would serve as a sort of raised-in-a-house provenance.
Re: the blog blast: I’ve been told that I was “mighty wordy” once, but she’s a centenarian, and I marvel at her own ability to type and post, so there’s lee-way for some slack. But boring---never you twain shall meet boring.
Never you fear, chillun---that one rotten apple in all the bushels the world over---not a drop in the bucket, and your buckets are rich and overflowing.
And were they not filled with adventure and interest and charm, you'd be forgiven, merely on the elan of that lovely hat.
rrrrrr
Rachel, even as we write this those soft Southern cadences are gently sounding in our ears and we are, believe us, immediately comforted.
DeleteBut thank you for your concern. At the time we were very shocked at what we thought to be a complete lack of good manners and were, moreover, hurt that this was a response to a very pleasurable outing arranged by very dear friends who had shown nothing but kindness to the person concerned. But such is life, and we all have to move on so to speak.
None of it has though detracted from a very happy afternoon in the most delightful of settings and Horsted Place is somewhere we shall most certainly revisit on a future occasion.
Ah, white gloves and all of that!! What a world we live in where such niceties are no longer readily to be had and when the hand written letter, the ink barely dry, will no longer flutter through the letter box, the afternoon post [oh, those were the days] coinciding with the serving of scones, jam and cream.
'Mighty wordy'! Now that is something to dwell upon, open as it is to a variety of interpretations. Better, as you say, to allow for age and give the benefit of the doubt. As for ourselves, happily we are not overcome with self doubt and angst and will live yet to write another boring blog!!
So pleased you like the hat!! xxx
Oh how awful - thankfully not all of the younger generation are like this but I can understand how upsetting it must have been for you. We, of the older generation, were brought up on manners so it is second nature to us. And as I was always taught 'if you don't have anything nice to say, then say nothing at all' your anonymous blogger should take heed of this advice.
ReplyDeleteLet us immediately concur fully with you here, Elaine, that by no means do all of the younger generation behave in such a thoughtless manner. Indeed, our lives are enriched and blessed with knowing so many young people, all of whom we think of as exceptionally wonderful friends. At the time we were hurt that such a happy day should be dismissed as it was, but we really have moved on.
DeleteAs for the blogger........Not, in our view worth a further mention.
Oh dear, what to say about this other than there is absolutely no failing on your part. As said in many of the above comments, times are a changing. The gentleness of society is going out the window. I am left on many occasions saying we are in need of a world war. Drastic I know, but I think we, as a race need to be wiped out, at times, I reiterate, AT TIMES. These are one of those times. I despair of mankind and am left thinking what the way out is. I am the happiest and most optimistic person I know. I know how to have a good time at nobody's expense and how to be gracious when good times are given. This beggars belief. I am left searching for the graciousness and dignity you display. A pox upon them :-)
ReplyDeleteHaving said the aforementioned, nothing surprises me any more. We live in trying times my friends. You have my unwavering following.
Thank you so much for the delicious birthday wishes on both Facebook and my little blog.
Much Love
Di
Xxxxx
We do readily understand, Di, your sentiments about needing something to change the way certain people think and behave for, most certainly, in the past there was far less in the way of rudeness and poor behaviour.
DeleteAs we have made mention to another commentator, what was there not to like? The entire trip to Brighton from Budapest, willingly and happily given as a birthday gift, and previously discussed as to whether this would be something to be enjoyed was, or so we feel, rather thrown back in our faces. But perhaps we should not have had the expectation that this was something which could only result in pleasure. A different generation, a different culture, a different set of values. We should learn from our mistakes!!
Thank you, as always, for your unqualified support. It is so much appreciated and gives us hope. xxx
Darlings Jane and Lance,
ReplyDeleteShame on that presumptuously dismissive young friend and he/she would have certainly drawn my fire (not breath) upon showing such discourtesy to such wonderful people. I would have done it privately allowing him/her time for reflection and allowing that even I have made similar missteps in my youth and encouraging them to make amends (as I did) thereby regaining your much valued esteem and hopefully a valuable lesson on their part so as to never do such a thing again.
I consider Afternoon Tea such as you describe at Horsted Place would be one of life's great pleasures if enjoyed in the delightful company of the Hattatts.
Your devoted G
Darling G, simply part of life's rich pattern. Would that you had been on hand to vent your fury and dry our tears. Of course, in our youths we have all probably trodden the same path but we should like to think never with quite the same degree of indifference to the feelings of others and never with such casual, thoughtless and cruel abandon. But we are fully recovered and, as you can see, fighting fit!!
DeleteFirst you MUST come to Budapest where we shall treat you to the most divine tea at the Four Seasons Hotel. Then of course we shall meet up in Brighton from whence we shall travel post haste to Horsted Place for further teatime delights.
But tell us, darling G, are the rumours circulating in the bazaar true that GSL is shortly to hit the airwaves, so to speak, with the blog to end all blogs? Tell us it is true! We cannot wait!
Yes Darlings J & L, The Lion's Den will be launching soon (likely mid-May) and whatever superlatives I may (and hope to) attain will be in part due to the inspiration I have received here.
DeleteDarling, we cannot wait. We are relying upon you to advise us immediately, as soon as the launch date is imminent.
DeleteDear Jane and Lance.
ReplyDeleteFirstly I want to say- may that the rude blogger suffer a horrible fate.
What a pillock!
It is so hurtful to receive a bad comment, I don't understand the mentality of people who do. Perhaps it makes them feel ' all powerful' when in fact they are insignificant little wimps... I now have steam pouring out of my ears so I had better not say what I think about the ungrateful one who came to tea...except that you are not behind the times to expect good manners and I would have so loved to have swapped places with them! Jane xx
Oh, Jane, how wonderful of you. A pillock indeed!! Little wimp!! How much better we now feel. Thank you!! Yes, and we too fail to understand the mentality of such a person and it is difficult to know what he [in this case] 'gets' from such a comment.
DeletePerhaps one day we should arrange a huge 'blogger' party somewhere. Now think what fun that would be.
Unfortunately for them, the people who use the phrase "get a life" ... generally have none of their own. Thus they roam the internet insulting people for lack of better manners/intelligence.
ReplyDeleteI liken that sort of message to walking down the street in Buenos Aires, the day is beautiful, the people are so nice, the place is so lovely and then you step in a pile of something a dog left .. someone did not pick up after that dog. That is the message you got from that young man/dog .. he has to learn to be better trained to be among people..and stop leaving bad memories behind.
Now back to tea ..
My Great Grandmother from Britain, always had afternoon tea and so do I.
My husband would have a glass of wine and we would munch on a cookie or a scone and take a break from the day and plan for the evening.
it is one of the best customs that a person can have .. at home or anywhere..
There is a great deal of truth in what you say here, Candice. But how tedious to spend one's time leaving somewhat insulting comments on the posts of other people. And then, we assume, never to experience a reaction. All very strange.
DeleteYour parallel in illustration of the point is most apt. It is a matter of training but, in the particular case of which we write, we wonder if there will ever be enough in the way of caring for someone else to bring about a change of approach. Time will tell, although we most likely will not be around to see.
How lovely that you regularly have afternoon tea, Candice. We shall imagine you with Minette curled at your feet although we suspect that where she is concerned that is a false picture!
lol, Yes, Minette will have her tea and I will be curled up at her feet .. waiting on her hand and paw. besos..
DeleteNow that, Candice, we can imagine!!!
DeleteDear Jane and Lance,
ReplyDeleteThat is so sad, and hurtful and puzzling and I'm so sorry you had to live with such rudeness and lack of consideration. It really does take my breath away.
My oldest son is getting married, and I love his fiancé for many reasons, one of which is the fact that she always sends handwritten thank you notes, on good stationary, after every visit or gift. We also email each other--but the hand written notes continue to arrive.
I love afternoon tea--such a treat. Depressing to think that there are people who don't appreciate it, or the kindness you show. (A 5-day trip!)
xo, Jen
We were very hurt, Jen, and still are to some extent but there is nothing we can do about it. Simply we made a wrong judgement. Thank you so much for your concern - it means a great deal.
DeleteHow lovely that you are blessed with such a thoughtful future daughter-in-law and what fun that she writes to you in such a way. Is this the son who we remember as your mentioning once, perhaps a couple of years ago, in one of your posts? Whatever, please do give him our very best wishes for his future happiness.
Afternoon tea is a really nice ritual. We could not agree more.
Hi Jane and Lance,
DeleteI think it is Luke (the youngest) who you are remembering. I don't write much about the boys, but every now and then they make an appearance. The wedding should be great fun. They are making it very personal--very "them". I
You are both such thoughtful commenters and responders to comments that it must be a full-time job. No wonder you needed a hiatus. xo
Most likely, Jen, although it was some time ago. The wedding will, we are certain, be wonderful and something to which to look forward.
DeleteWe do manage the blog between us so it really is never too much and it is fun to connect with people all around the world.
Hello Jane and Lance, I wish you could meet some of the young people I know in Taiwan, who still have a pretty high standard of politeness. I even knew a two-year old who always thanked without prompting.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, don't necessarily give up on your friend. We don't have the whole story, but some people go through a rebellion or simply a think-too-much phase about the literalness of expressions, and do not realize how they are coming across. I hope that you will be able to welcome them back to the fold.
--Jim
We should not like our recent experience to colour our feelings in general about young people, Jim, many of whom we count as really good and close friends.
DeleteThe people who you have met in Taiwan sound delightful. Indeed, our own experiences of meeting different nationalities from all over the world is one of the extreme politeness and kindness which have always unfailingly been shown to us.
We heed your counsel which is one of wisdom and good advice. We should like to think that the door remains open and that a welcome, perhaps more cautious, is to be had. Thank you.
What a sad and rude comment by the unpublished reader of your blog! I have never commented here before, but found your blog via The Custards. I am so glad that you began posting again after an absence, and enjoy hearing about life in Budapest. It is a place I have not visited, and I regret that as now I am across the world in California. If only I could have some time back from the 70's when I lived in Bonn, but of course travel to Eastern Europe was not really on the agenda then. I think the number of posts you receive is an indicator of your appeal, so think no more of that unpleasantness.
ReplyDeleteHow very kind of you to take the time and trouble to write, Lynne. Thank you so much. 'The Custards' is a blog we hugely enjoy and Jenny has such a zest for life and writes with enormous wit and enthusiasm.
DeleteWhat a pity that you are now so far from Europe and, in particular, Budapest. It is the most magical and, still, mysterious of cities and we count ourselves so fortunate to live here. Yes, in the 1970s all travel to Eastern Europe was beset with problems leaving so much now to be discovered and enjoyed.
I think you can dismiss that rather unpleasant comment out of hand, given the response you have from your fellow bloggers!
ReplyDeleteIngratitude is always hard to tolerate and I am sorry to hear about your young friend. Hopefully he/she will improve with maturity. Personally, I think the little courtesies you describe are life enhancing and always worth the small time and trouble taken and usually much appreciated by the recipient. Thank you for your kind comment on mine. It's always helpful to have another perspective.
Thank you so much, Marianne. We do, and will! And always we are very conscious of the support and kindness we receive from all of our Followers. We are so very fortunate.
DeleteIngratitude is, as you say, hard to tolerate. More so when it is combined with a complete lack of feeling and consideration towards others. Perhaps time will indeed bring about a change and a realisation that common courtesies cost nothing and can often mean a great deal.
My parents did not school me in the thank you note, but a friend in adulthood, whose impeccable attention to such details with appropriate stationary and detailed gratitude, showed me another way. I will always be indebted to her for it.
ReplyDeleteAs for flowers and wine (and sometimes boxes of donuts!,) we do not show up to dinner parties or lunches empty-armed. In fact, this evening daughter and I have been invited to tea at 4 and I have been contemplating what I shall bring!
Stay as you are, lovely, lovely Fairy Godparents. Cultured salt and light.
Dearest FGD, we cannot imagine for a single second that you would ever be unappreciative, or indeed unaware, of the needs and feelings of others. Furthermore we can say with certainty, based upon what we know to be a real friendship here, that you are kindness itself and are always putting others before yourself.
DeleteHave a lovely tea party - as we know that you will. xxx
Dear Jane and Lance: the number of lovely comments you regularly receive more than makes clear that yours is one of the MORE FASCINATING BLOGS - exemplifying the sort of charmed and busy life many of us would love to have. I call that ungraceful and rude comment: sour grapes.
ReplyDeleteI love afternoon tea - most especially since traveling to Great Britain many years ago. The whole idea is so civilizing. :)
Where has common every day politeness gone? The internet swallowed it up I suppose. So it's up to us as proponents of civility and delight to carry the flag as high as we can as long as we can.
What you say here, Yvette, is both uplifting and heartening. We appreciate your kindness in writing in this way.
DeleteAfternoon tea is a wonderful institution and one which we adhere to whenever and wherever possible. And it is something which the British are particularly good at, or so we think.
Where the flag of politeness is being carried by you, then we all know ourselves to be in safe hands.
I have observed a lack of manners all around lately. People are downright rude in fact. I really do not know the roots of this lapse of civility but I fear it is world wide. Do ignore rude comments on your blog which is just an example of what I am talking about. As many as 20 odd years ago when I sent CC to nursery school the staff there asked me how I taught her to say "Please" and Thank you." They apparently had few children who said those terms. It makes me a bit fearful for the future. But in spite of it all we shall have tea and enjoy it. blessings, olive
ReplyDeleteIt is very odd that, overall, there really does seem to be a decline in standards of good behaviour and politeness and it is, as you say here, Olive, difficult to know why this should be the case. Certainly it is apparent wherever one goes.
DeleteThat is incredible that staff at the nursery school twenty years ago were amazed that you had taught your daughter 'please' and 'thank you' whereas most parents clearly had not. That, and the way things are going, really do ring alarm bells.
Hallo dear Jane and Lance,
ReplyDeletethanks for visiting the "Italian view" really appreciated.. !
lemon or without... I would say both of them, depends from the moment :-)
Yes, I am Italian = more complicated.
saluti dall'Italia.
We very much appreciate your taking the time and trouble to comment, Massimo. We do so enjoy the images that you post on your blog.
DeleteAt times we long to be Italian!!
Yes, I understand. But there is a clear difference between etiquette and manners. The first requires a specific code of behavior but also demands some knowledge and training… The second is a matter of education and culture. We are so different but I’m totally convinced that we must follow the general rules of courtesy and kindness. Nowadays, people don’t know how to respect the other people and become impolite and unfriendly. It’s a fact. Unfortunately. I think that the way we (re)act to incidences like yours can give a moral lesson to rude persons and I’m sure that you are a living example of what politeness and civility mean.
ReplyDeleteYou are right to point out the difference between etiquette and good manners where the first will always depend on culture and tradition and will, very often, vary hugely from one country to another. The second is, as you suggest here, something which we all should have in common allowing, of course, for some differences which may occur on account of when and where we have been brought up. That said, kindness to others and good manners cannot be traded or bartered or compromised in any way. This we do believe.
DeleteDear Jane and Lance,
ReplyDeleteNext time you think about taking someone to such a lovely place for an afternoon tea as part of their birthday present, think of me! My birthday is the 22nd of March, and I gladly volunteer to join you in the happy consumption of sandwiches, scones and cakes, plus promise to not only express my gratitude verbally, but also write a well composed thank you note afterwards.
No, seriously, this is beyond being impolite. Ingratitude is a symptom of much more than just bad manners. It has nothing to do with you, but everything with the person who behaved so rudely.
Politeness, consideration for others and many more "gentlemanly" values (applying also to ladies, of course) are never out of fashion.
How we should have loved to have celebrated your birthday, Meike, at Horsted Place and it is somewhere which we know you would enjoy enormously. Next March 22nd. we really must see what we can do!!
DeleteWe were at the time deeply hurt by the reaction, or lack of it, not only to the tea but also to the whole trip, particularly as it was our friend's first time in the United Kingdom. We shall not repeat the experience in a hurry.
I too am so put off by the lack of civility in the world today. Is it the fault of parents for not teaching children manners and proper behavior. It makes me shudder to think where it's all going. Please and thank you no longer appear to be in the vocabulary, and it's not only the young guilty of that offense. No thank you notes ever written for gifts received or entertainments given. No, you are not the ones thinking wrongly about this!! I am so sorry these things happened to two of the most mannerly people around.
ReplyDeleteThat there is a general lack of good manners to be had everywhere is, we feel, a certainty. Like you, Sanda, we are perplexed as to why this should be so and constantly wonder at what point this overall decline took root. We too agree that it is not confined by any means to the young which, somehow, makes matters worse. Oh dear!!
DeleteI love Horsted Place. I went to a wedding there and subsequently made a few pilgrimages for tea; it's absolutely delightful.
ReplyDeleteI can't say my teenagers skip for joy at writing thank you note post-Christmas and birthdays but as far as I am concerned, it's non-negotiable. As is a b&B post-visit. I find gorgeous stationery and a ready supply of stamps prompts, but I am equally content with a thank you email from godchildren at school or a little drawing from the tinies.
It's a bleak old world at times and these little courtesies, far from being old-fashioned or uncool, are increasingly critical in a world in which we spend so much time individually plugged into messages, music and film.
Keep fighting the good fight - you are not alone!
How wonderful that you know Horsted Place, Elizabeth. We thought it simply lovely in every respect and so much enjoyed what was, for us, a first visit. We were taken there by motor car from Brighton by friends, one of whom had, previously, had an excellent lunch there served to his 'party' in one of the smaller rooms - the library, we think. We will certainly go again.
DeleteWe completely understand the feelings of your teenage children in not relishing the thought of writing thank you letters. Did we ever?! But, as you rightly say, it is something which is required to be done and is a way, and we do here include emails, of showing appreciation and of exercising a necessary courtesy.
We often remark that in a world which has never previously been so connected, there is so much disconnect!
Thank you for your words of encouragement.
It has taken me two hours to read the rest of the comments as I am a late comer, but just to say that your young friend needs a good, old-fashioned horse-whipping. Borrow the whip from his father.
ReplyDeleteDo you not think that that might be considered taking the soft option?!!
DeleteSeriously, we were more shocked than anything that something intended as a treat should be dismissed in such a way.
Ungrateful little so and so.
DeleteRossz csont! [as we say here]
DeleteOh Jane and Lance, I feel your pain! Please, please, don't give up your fight to spread the good word on good manners. My biggest fear as a mother is failing to set the example to my daughter of good manners. On the whole, I shall admit, she is rather good with "thank you" and "please", and we've drummed it in her to always write thank you notes, which she does. However, one has to bear in mind the influence of others her age, children she meets at school and how they are reared when it comes to manners, or lack thereof. It is a constant life lesson and I shall never give up.
ReplyDeleteI adore the ritual of afternoon tea and it would be such a pleasure to partake in it with the pair of you. We shall not invite your friend though, deal?
How really kind of you, and these are not 'empty words', to write in such an encouraging way. Thank you.
DeleteWe cannot imagine for a second that you will in any sense 'fail' your daughter. The concern which you show here for the way in which she is being brought up is more than confirmation. Worry not at all. Yes, school does bring with it all manner of influences but a strong home background will always be the driving force and, in our experience, prevail.
There is indeed something very reassuring about all rituals and where tea is concerned, without the inclusion of our friend, you most definitely have a deal!!
Dearest Jane and Lance,
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear this happened to you! I think something must have gone wrong in their upbringing. I cannot give another explanation. I just told the girls. They do not understand either. How can people be like this, so indifferent and negative, only thinking about themselves and not what it may do to others.
Please let me assure you that your blog has always been a a joy to read and a source of inspiration to me. Oh....I so wish I could write like the two of you!
Sending a big hug from the four of us!!
Madelief xox
At the time the whole incident saddened us greatly for we had really thought that the special occasion would give great pleasure and to someone about whom we care. As it turned out, this was not the case.
DeleteBut it is behind us and we are so much looking forward to having the possibility of seeing and sitting in your garden maybe, even, with a cup of tea!!
And you are too kind with your words here. 'Madelief' is one of the most perfect of all blogs and written in such a delightful manner and with complete assurance. And in a foreign language! We are the ones in awe.
Our very best love to you all - counting the days. xxx
My dearest Jane and Lance,
ReplyDeleteI am truly sorry to hear that you have experienced such unpleasantness in the most unexpected quarters. That is to say you are two most polite people I've ever encountered and I would have thought that people who come near to your orbit or circle would be very much like-minded people like yourself - polite, considerate and well-mannered. But what a disappointment it must be when you discover that in spite of your early shrewdness, there are certain people, often who happen to be closest to us - our closest allies - not our worst enemies, can let us down. Above all, it does not cost anything to say "thank you" - "would you" - "may I" and "please" - as you put it "bread-and-butter" etiquette.
I would not take any notice of that comment. Your bring a smile to my face every time I see your new post. Someone had written a comment in my blog once, which I didn't publish because I was not sure how to take it - whether it was a joke or idiotic, that I am a woman and that I must be, at least, at the age of 50 years old. According to this commenter, a man at the age of 31 couldn't possibly possess "such maturity" (his words). I was rather shocked and exasperated by his presumptuousness when he urged, "Tell me what are your secrets!!" I must admit that I had a few colourful words, which I did not pronounce, to say to him.
With best wishes, ASD
Dearest ASD,
DeleteSometimes life throws up the unexpected; this was one such occasion but one from which, hurtful though it was, we have in our minds moved on.
You say the kindest of things here and we know that each word is so truly meant. Perhaps unknown to you, and more than we can say, what you write not only encourages and heartens us but, additionally, gives us such immense joy for in you, although separated from us by a thousand or more miles, we have a real friend. And for this we thank you.
As for the unpublished comment, it bothered us not at all although we could not, and cannot even now, think of a reason to write it other than stupidity. We are at this moment laughing aloud at your tale but would, for our own part, welcome your telling at least the secret of being so well read in such a wide range of literature which leaves us embarrassed at the paucity of our own reading.
I'm glad I'm not the only one left wondering where common courtesy had fled. Social skills seem to have disappeared and the younger generation are just to blunt for their own good. Alas, I am not a drinker of tea but still, an invitation to what I call 'English tea' would be impossible to refuse (especially if served with scones and cream).
ReplyDeleteWe think that we could form quite a merry band, Loree, when it comes to comparing notes on the general decline in standards and politeness. And, without doubt, it would have a very International flavour!!
DeleteOne does not have to drink tea in order to enjoy the ritual of afternoon tea. Often we have coffee instead which 'works' very nicely with scones and cake!!
Bad behavior should never be accepted...no matter how young or old. I do hope you have said your peace with your young friend. If he is special enough, he deserves your teaching in this matter. The blog guy...I have a special word for him.
ReplyDeleteWe certainly tried to make clear to our friend our feelings on the matter of his responses to the tea and, indeed, on the whole five day trip. Whether he understood our point is, we regret to say, in some doubt.
DeleteAs for the other.........!!
Sweet Jane and Lance, your young friend has been ill bred, I am sad too say.
ReplyDeleteBut then again, our own teenage children often assume similar attitudes, but we at least got them to understand not to voice their hurtful opinions in circumstances such as the one you describe. In other words we tell them they might think this way or that, but kindness cannot ever be repaid with rudeness. keep your thoughts to yourself! As for the wonderful rituals, we agree with you, let them be reserved for the ones truly appreciating them! Hail to afternoon teas, the concert halls, the opera everywhere, the cafe houses in Vienna and Paris and the literary and musical salons!
It is hard not to take it to heart, especially when so much thought has gotten into the entertainment of the youth in question! Perhaps one day he might understand!
We do rather agree with you, Victoria, that what was said to us has to be viewed as 'ill bred' and, in this instance, there can be absolutely no excuse for it. What you say here about your approach to your own teenage children makes a great deal of sense and we are certain that they respect you for it and can, at the very least, understand where you are coming from. Our friend is not a teenager, thus in our view making a considerable difference.
DeleteBut today's sadness has to be that you are, at least for the moment, putting your blog to one side in order to have more time for your more major writing. We are so sorry about this but wish you everything in the way of good fortune and trust, whatever, we shall not lose touch. You will be missed greatly.
I think so many of us do relate to this post dear Jane and Lance, sadly.
ReplyDeleteYour final two lines drew a smile from me though - and indeed, you try harder now! ;)
You are so very supportive, Rose, and it is good to know that we are not alone. As for trying harder, well, come on, we are doing our best!!
DeleteAlways look at the bright side of life darling......keep smiling.....stay close to yourself.......love from me .....for you both....xxx !
ReplyDeleteWe really do try to, Ria, some days with more success than on others. And love to you too!
DeleteWow what a very rude person... I'm sorry someone was SO callus ... You two are NOT boring in the least. I'm always so captivated when reading your blig.
ReplyDeleteI'm supposed be taking a blog break but I've been reading a few of my favorites... one being yours.
I could NOT miss commenting on this one... know you are loved and we all think you are wonderful ♡
You are more than kind, Launna. And it is so especially good to see you here since we know that you are having a break [or at least meant to be!!].
DeleteSadly, you are right, as the remark was very rude and hurtful too. But we do know, from all of your own distressing past experiences, that you can readily understand our feelings. And thank you, as always, for your support. Take care and rejoin us all before too long!
I've always wanted to experience a real afternoon tea. It seems like such a refined tradition. I can't imagine someone not enjoying and appreciating the gift. Shame on them.
ReplyDeleteAfternoon tea really is one of the great pleasures of life, particularly when and where it is well done. That at Horsted Place is excellent in every respect.
DeleteI LOVE your blog, and your words resonate with mine.
ReplyDeleteI treasure our interaction.
Thanks.
This is exceptionally kind of you to say this, Julia. Thank you. We also have such pleasure in interacting with you.
DeleteYesterday I took a three hour law exam. I got up at 5am this morning to take a 10:00 flight, because the tubes to the airport were on strike. The 12 hour flight (to Las Vegas), was delayed by two hours in taking off and another hour sitting on the tarmac in Nevada because they couldn't find the right gromit to connect a 747 to the terminal. The atmosphere onboard a plane full of gamblers is less akin to that of a holiday resort than the waiting room of a sexual health clinic. In the airport, I was frisked by moustached member of the Inland Security, before being greeted by you know who, who presented me with flowers and had me whisked to a five star hotel. I confess: if I expressed gratitude, it was merely in the form of an inflected wheeze. Must try harder at the dinner party tonight.
ReplyDeleteDarling Alexander,
DeleteThis all sounds absolutely punishing, exhausting and alarming. You really are not cut out for this kind of thing but, be assured, life will be very much easier after the Revolution. As yet we have not quite decided on the future of Las Vegas [what on earth are you doing there?], but most likely swift obliteration!!
At least the flowers from YKW will die. The same cannot be said for an oversized Teddy Bear currently holding court in the spare room!!
Let us know when you are back. Either come here or we can hot foot it to Florence. xxx
P.S. When do you have the result of said law examination?
Well it's a shame. I only hope what you describe is, in your experience, the exception, and not the rule. From my conversations with those who have met you, I can only report that their eyes sparkle, and they speak of you with such delight.
ReplyDeleteIt most certainly is the exception, Susan, for our experiences otherwise with young people are so very, very good and, like you, we have many who we count amongst our closest friends.
DeleteNow we cannot wait for the arrival of the Bard Orchestra.
I think, overall, what you say is true. However, we had friends round for lunch last week and they brought their two little ones, ages 7 and 5. We were delighted to receive laboriously written thank you letters/pictures from both the children a few days later. Perhaps all is not lost, but sadly, I do think it helps to develop a thicker skin - no longer expect thanks, but it is a lovely surprise when it happens.
ReplyDeleteGenerally speaking, Stephanie, what we outline here we do not actually think of as normal behaviour by the majority. Far from it as we have so many friends, and in particular of a younger generation, who are kindness itself and who are appreciative of the smallest thing.
DeleteThe children of your friends sound an absolute delight. And what good manners!!! There is hope for us all.
Oh Jane, I do so feel for you. The disappointment is great, although perhaps we really shouldn’t look for a polite ‘thank you’ in these speedy and inattentive times.
ReplyDeleteThere you are, having thought hard about a present, generously followed through and then, nothing, as much as if to say, ‘so what. I’m entitled".
Having recently had a very similar experience I do know well how annoyed you must be. After having given a rather generous present myself without any acknowledgment whatsoever I feel unwilling to do so again in a hurry.
One is, however one looks at it, left with that feeling of what was it all for? There is, rightly or wrongly, an expectation that something which has been carefully thought out and arranged, at not some inconsiderable expense [our choice, of course], will be received at least with a degree of enthusiasm and interest, if not joy.
DeleteThe problem is, as it must be for you with your unhappy experience, that one is inclined to draw back completely and one finds oneself no longer prepared to make similar gestures for anyone. That, we suppose, we should guard against.
Without wanting to defend bad manners, perhaps the young man in question felt out of place in such genteel surroundings and callow youth often expresses itself badly. Also, high tea really is not something I would offer to a youngster, however well brought up they might be. As someone said earlier, pearls before swine. If you took Aunt Augusta to an Ozzie Osbourne concert I suspect her reaction might be even more rude. Maybe he had had a bad week. Maybe he is suffering from existential teenage angst (we all remember that). Maybe he felt you were oblivious to all the hardship and suffering in the world, eating your cucumber sandwiches like Marie Antoinette while working class families struggled to make a potato stretch between 17 of them. (I'm assuming he really was VERY middle class). Don't worry about it. High tea is an old people's thing. I took my late Aunt to the London Ritz for tea on her 80th birthday, we both enjoyed it enormously. But my young(-er) lodger would have hated it. Next time take the young man for fish and chips and invite ME for high tea. Preferably at the Ritz.
ReplyDeleteWe do understand exactly what you are saying here, Daphne, but it must be pointed out that the person in question, in his late twenties, is not a callow youth. Furthermore, afternoon tea at Horsted Place was but one thing in five days, based in Brighton, which is, as you will know, 'cool', the entire trip from Budapest arranged as a birthday treat, all of which had been talked about previously and for all of which our friend had expressed a wish to be included in everything.
DeleteWe should love to have tea at the Ritz with you. What fun that would be. For him, we doubt that there will be a next time.
Your travels in the Far East have been fascinating to follow. What incredible experiences you have had.
What a disappointing end to your outing!!! That was extremely rude indeed, and also hard to fathom - an afternoon tea is an wonderful luxury and I would be very grateful to anyone who treated me! It really is hard to understand but perhaps in this world of fast consumption of everything (be it food, fashion or anything else), I wonder if the younger generations no longer value something like a quiet afternoon tea.
ReplyDeleteLife is full of disappointments, Louise, as we all know only too well. The reaction to the tea was but one of many instances during the whole trip where we really felt that perhaps some sign of appreciation of what was being done and given, and not only by us but our friends too, would not have been too much to ask.
DeleteHello Jane and Lance.
ReplyDeleteMay I raise a toast to good manners, kindness to others, and to the preservation of civilization in our lifetimes, and beyond!
My daily life brings me into contact with folks from all walks of life, of varying ages, from various places. I do recognize random acts of kindness and welcome those sightings. Daily experiences also include less welcome examples of human behavior.
I guess that I just try to hold on to the Golden Rule, even when challenged to yield. How I would love to have tea with you all and chat more about the topic you've raised here (and so many other topics as well.)
Certainly the many prior comments suggest that we might be able to reserve a very large tea room to include everyone that would also enjoy making lemon or milk decision. I can also envision all sorts of pretty stamps being placed on nicely addressed envelopes enclosing thoughtful thank you notes.
I begin to think that I am paraphrasing Mr Lennon's "Imagine." xo
And, dear Frances, may we join you in that toast?
DeleteLike you we are certain, we do meet, and have met, people from all over and coming from a wide range of backgrounds many of which may well be described as socially deprived and so our expectations of how people may respond to things and how they may behave in different circumstances is, we believe, totally realistic. And in all of this, as you say, one meets with great acts of kindness coming from totally unexpected quarters.
That a close friend should display such indifference to our feelings, we found hurtful.
Yes, let us go for that great tea party where our concerns are reduced to milk or lemon, a letter, note card or, perhaps, a picture postcard. Written in ink, of course!!
Nothing annoys me more when someone cannot say thank you for a gift, and as I always write a thank you letter I expect other people to do as much. I was brought up in that manner and I will never understand why others are not as well.
ReplyDeleteDespite the fact as to if you like the gift or not I would never let he other party know otherwise. Manners maketh man and women, and always will I think!. I could rant on about this subject for ages but I will just get hot under the collar! Take care Diane
We fear to say, Diane, that we are all now seeming to belong to a dying breed where a written thank you is rapidly becoming a thing of the past.
DeleteYes, whether or not a gift is truly appreciated, there is an obligation, or so we believe, on the part of the receiver to express some appreciation for something over which somebody else has taken time and trouble with the intention to give enjoyment.
Your blog is never boring - it is a fragrant place of rare refinement where I am happy to stop by and breathe the vapours of your cultured lives. It's a counterpoint to the earthy nature of my daily toil and you should continue to fly the flag for graciousness and manners - Bernice xx
ReplyDeleteYou are so very kind it what you say here, Bernice. Like most people who blog, we do it for ourselves and for the way in which it allows one to connect with interesting and fun people from all over the world.
DeleteDear Jane and Lance, i am absolutely appalled by this story. I don't know where to begin.
ReplyDeleteEven if one doesn't like the present one is given, a thank you should be offered. The actual present almost doesn't matter. It is the thought, the offer, the grace that should be appreciated.
I am so very sorry that your friend didn't appreciate your more than generous offer. This might end your friendship as clearly your ethics are different. And maybe that is for the best. In any case you now know what you are getting from this particular friendship.
Giving presents however small or big are one of life's joys. I am sure that you won't stop it as you probably have many more deserving friends who will appreciate it, no matter what it is.
As for your blog being boring?! Oh my, i have now hesrd everything. Stay your wonderful selves.
Red
We too, Red, have always believed that it is the thought that counts, irrespective of everything else. What we found most difficult to deal with was not so much the response to the afternoon tea but rather the complete indifference to the whole trip which had been arranged not only as a birthday gift but as something in which we should all find enjoyment.
DeleteHowever, let us not dwell on it but rather say how we are so very heartened and encouraged by your warm and thoughtful words. Life goes on!!
I absolutely agree. No point in dwelling on it, life goes on and we need to enjoy all the wonderful things it has on offer. Here is to that!
DeleteRed
And we are. As we hope that you are too.
DeleteAfternoon tea at a Victorian hotel, how wonderful, I can hear the bees buzzing and the birds singing as I imagine sitting in light shade eating beautiful cake. What a marvelous present which I would love and appreciate.
ReplyDeleteAs my mum would say 'a thank you costs nothing but means so much'
Even if you don't like something you should be polite and also respectful of other peoples ways. Did Horsted Place have a large pond or lake?...as I would think it was the most appropriate place for your rude guest!
Sadly, we did not discover a suitable pond or lake!!! Maybe just as well!
DeleteHorsted Place is a wonderful setting for, we should imagine, almost anything. Everything was presented with an eye to detail and the staff were, without exception, totally professional and yet very welcoming and accommodating.
I love your blog! you two are lovely and I thoroughly enjoy reading all about your adventures! I have never had an afternoon tea but I think it's a lovely traditional affair. It isn't meaningless, it never is when something matters to people. Bad manners make me twitch, they really do. I see evidence of lovely people lot's of the time but poor manners generally are highlighted because of the shining examples around them. Don't let people cloud your sunshine (you both are just wonderful!!) x x x
ReplyDeleteYou are so very kind, Sandra, and we much appreciate it.
DeleteWe entirely agree with what you say here that nothing should be considered 'meaningless' if it means something to somebody and to describe anything in that way is, at best, thoughtless and insensitive. You are right, too, we should concentrate on all those who do, wherever and whenever, radiate sunshine. And your comment today has done just that!
Hello Jane and Lance
ReplyDeleteIt might have been your friend who was the lemon.
I find yours the most stimulating blog I've stumbled upon
St Ignatius may have been right in extolling the virtue of not counting the cost when we give, but he would not, I'm sure, have advised us not to observe what's going on around us, nor to not to feel hurt or dismayed when what's going on is vulgar.
Gentle, generous souls you are, you may not have realised there are lemons out there too sour or bitter to be worth adding to your tea.
There is always someone/something out there that likes to spoil everything. Ignore them. Sail on. They might need you but you don't need them.
bled upon.
Dearest Faisal,
DeleteOf course, we should know that you would both appreciate and understand the thought behind the title of this post. Where generosity is concerned, in all its manifestations, we look no further than to you for you do really represent so, so much of all that is good and wise in this troubled world in which we live.
Thank you, as always, for your thoughtfulness, empathy and support. We shall sail on!!
Dearest Jane and Lance,
ReplyDeletedo know that it's been through your encouragement and lightness of touch that I've been able to express myself most naturally. I think of that handful of Italian patrons in the 16th Century, and of others, whether it's been in New York or even here in Australia or anywhere else, when I think of you...as people who want to see life better than it is and go out of their way to make that happen. I, for one, thank you.
Dearest Faisal,
DeleteWe are at a loss to know how to answer this. Suffice [but how can it possibly 'suffice'?] it to say that we are more touched by these words than you can possibly realise, coming at a time which has not been particularly easy. Thank YOU.
Dear Jane and Lance, oh how I've missed your voices. :)
ReplyDeleteThere seems to be a rash of rude comments going around. I never found this when I started blogging 5yrs ago. Now it is commonplace and v sad. I don't mind constructive criticism at all but the out and out rudeness is v telling of our society I think.
You know when people are leaving you two rude comments something has gone terribly wrong!
xo
Janet
We do so agree, Janet, how things are changing in all walks of life and why, indeed, should blogging be exempt? As you say, constructive criticism or an opinion or viewpoint which does not necessarily agree with one's own are totally acceptable provided that they are expressed with a modicum of good manners.
DeleteStill, we all soldier on!!
Oh my, I am rather late to the party. Admittedly, I have not been as engaged as I should be with all things internet - including my own blog and my blog friends - which is in itself impolite. So I could only be hypocritical in decrying the decline of politeness (or, in their codified form, "manners"). Not too long ago, the ever beautiful Tabitha at Bourbon & Pearls wrote similarly about this subject. I found comfort in the comments section that there were many that felt as I do, that common courtesy and kindness go hand in hand. Certainly, kindness is never out of date, is it? Wait, please don't answer that...
ReplyDeleteWishing you both a lovely weekend ahead,
Heather
PS. And now, I am off to make some more Rooibos (not quite tea but good for mental clarity and I could use a little help in that department today!)...
We set no time limits, dearest Heather, and it is always a joy to hear from you. Yes, we do agree about common courtesy and kindness, two things which we value highly and which, sadly, are not always to be found in evidence.
DeleteNow 'Rooibos' sounds most interesting and anything assisting mental clarity cannot, where we are concerned, be overlooked!! Post on it, please!
PS to the PS. As I am so tardy, I did not read all of the amazing comments as I love to do here usually - but I must say that I was quite moved by the exchange between your friend Faisal and you both. Here are to the "good eggs" of the world...oh, how we do need you!
ReplyDeleteHeather, it is most certainly not 'tardy' of you at all and we should not expect you, or anyone else for that matter, to trawl through all the comments. That said, Faisal is the most amazing, intelligent and creative person and someone, as you may guess, who is very, very dear to us.
DeleteSorry you've been subject to such rudeness! Most undeserved.
ReplyDeleteThank you. These things happen and one has to get over them - and quickly!!
DeleteAh yes, courtesy! I attempt to teach it to the darling 18 year-olds I deal with. We must keep trying, eh? I think it gets more important as we get older.
ReplyDeleteThe darling 18 year olds are always something of a challenge; this we know from considerable experience! We do personally expect a little more from those in their late twenties. But enough said!!
DeleteIt seems to me that apart from anything else your young friend is taking life far too seriously. You could dismiss all sorts of things as "meaningless" or mere "empty words" if you view them from some lofty ideological pinnacle, but the stuff of life is meant to be innocently enjoyed, not haughtily judged. No doubt he'll realise the error of his ways sooner or later, but he will have missed out on a lot of simple fun in the meantime.
ReplyDeleteEverything you write here, Nick, makes such very good sense and, as you say, life is most certainly to be enjoyed wherever and whenever possible [and in this respect we are all so hugely privileged] for it is the simple pleasures gathered together which so much make up the whole.
DeleteWe are so pleased to have discovered you and have enjoyed reading through some of your past posts, in particular where posts for bloggers short of time, energy and ideas may be add to order!
Dear Jane and Lance, your young friend may not be a teenager in years, but his behaviour can only be described as callow and boorish and certainly not demonstrating any degree of emotional or social maturity. Good manners do exist, but they don't flourish without careful training by parents throughout childhood and that takes time and effort. Our grandsons have always been expected to write proper thank-you letters at birthdays and Christmas - not just a line or two, but a decent, interesting letter which has to pass muster before posting. :-) They are always a pleasure to receive and to reply to.
ReplyDeleteAs for the churlish comment, my guess is that this disgruntled blogger simply envies you your legion of devoted followers and their pleasure in reading and commenting on your always delightful posts. As we know envy can make people do and say some very nasty things....
It is with some sadness, Perpetua, that we recognize the truth of all that you say here, particularly with a regard to emotional and social maturity where our friend is concerned. What continues to cause us a certain amount of anxiety is that, possibly, we have had expectations of behaviour which are either unrealistic or, perhaps more likely, have a wish to impose values and patterns of behaviour which are neither deemed to be appropriate nor necessarily shared by others. What you say of your grandsons heartens us greatly.
DeleteThe blogger's comment came from nowhere as a complete surprise. Most likely he was simply having a proverbial 'bad day'!!
Jane and Lance, there is no reason whatsoever that you should lower your standards to suit others. Gracious living, or perhaps better, graceful living is a good thing and to be cherished. My darling mother-in-law still loves to entertain all her guests to afternoon tea, so her great-grandchildren have this pleasure from time to time and really appreciate it. After all, what could be more fun than to be positively encouraged to eat cake. :-) I would certainly not disdain afternoon tea in your company if I were ever fortunate enough to be offered it.
DeleteYou are SO kind, Perpetua, not just in what you say but in the fact of your bothering to return and comment further and, as always, with that wisdom and thought which we are certain you will have brought to bear on many occasions throughout your professional working life.
DeleteIt would give us great joy to meet you and your husband in person. Perhaps one day? We very much hope so.
Dear Jane and Lance. Sadly and unfortunately bad manners seems to be prevalent amongst our younger generation. I don't know if this is the way their parents brought them up or whether it's just plain ignorance. I find it very troubling that many young people seem to think that adults and life in general owes them something! What I don't know. Anyway so glad you enjoyed your visit to Horsted it looks lovely. Incidentally, mine's Earl Grey with a dash of milk! Enjoy your weekend.
ReplyDeletePatricia x
We really do think that you reach the core of so many of today's problems with the younger generation, Patricia, when you say that, in general, life owes them something. Nothing could be further from the truth but that is a lesson which so many appear unable to accept.
DeleteHorsted was lovely and we shall certainly bear in mind how you like your tea for the next time!!!
Greetings humans, Jane and Lance,
ReplyDeleteI do so wish I'd realised you'd submitted another one of your must-read pawsts somewhat sooner. A long story, however, I've been bombarded by humans with a weird obsession of the alphabet. I was wondering if you might add the "follow by email" application to your site. That way, I could get an email notification of your pawsting.
Now, on to your article. I realised a long time ago, that there are those who just like to be negative to draw somebody else into their negative world. Of course, you distance yourself from such things. Sadly, there are people who consider manners, common courtesy, as a form of weakness. My dear human friends, we know that manners and common courtesy are a sign of strength, of respect.
My human, Gary, once got a comment on our blog stating that whenever I did a blog, that I was being subjected to animal abuse. It was a hurtful, outrageous comment. My human, to his credit, was courteous and dignified in his response.
We delight in your site, Jane and Lance. Wishing you a peaceful weekend.
Pawsitive wishes,
Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar! :)
Greetings from a cloudy Budapest!!
DeleteWe have indeed from time to time, when we think of such things which, in truth, is not often considered adding a 'follow by email' widget [if that is the correct term]. But, realistically, do people really want to be bombarded with our posts in their in boxes when there could be so many more exciting things??
We are most interested in what you say here about negativity and have reluctantly come to the conclusion that there are those who feel better about themselves by constantly putting down others. Perhaps it stems from a deep rooted lack of self-worth.
So glad to know that we are not alone where the odd, outrageous and plain stupid comments are concerned!
Take care.
I can only add my commiserations to those left by others. Sadly the lack of what was once termed ‘common’ courtesy appears to be the norm. I’m sorry to hear that your young friend was unable to express their thanks for what was undoubtedly a treat. I would have been overjoyed to be taken on such an outing and I can say with confidence that so would members of my family (who were all brought up to say thank you for generous gifts).
ReplyDeleteIt was a very strange reaction to something which had been planned and arranged to give enjoyment and which was intended, in part, to give an experience of what many might consider to be a British institution. We rather thought, wrongly, that everything about a foreign country would be of interest. Clearly not so.
DeleteGood May Morning, and thank you for your lovely words about my Sis.
ReplyDeleteShe is, indeed, a wonderful gift---she's bright and witty and kind, and such a lovely person to talk with and be with and travel with (my first glimpse of England was with her and her family quite a few years ago).
And she doesn't blog, except on their own website for their company. They travel a lot, and when I made her Birthday Call last night, I didn't know if they'd answer from home or Rome---you just never know with those two. They might be on a cruise to watch Alaskan icebergs calve, or zip-lining in Peru.
She's from Mississippi, a card-carrying, Purentee G.R.I.T.S. Girl, and has embraced Texas with the fervor of a true Born-in Boots Texan.
I like her a lot and enjoy her company---she and I can take up on the last conversation after an absence, and being with the two of them just exponentially multiplies the fun and IQ and witty repartee of us all.
You'd love her, but I don't know if you could stand us as a double-dose---I know I have to rest for a day or two after one of our visits. But if someday there might come an opportunity for us all to converge---I can't imagine such riches.
They and all the children are off on a long weekend at a wonderful spa/golf/beach resort, and I'll bet the margaritas were flowing at breakfast.
I won the Sis-Lottery.
r
Winning the Sis-Lottery!! What fun!! Well done you!
DeleteBut how marvellous it is when one really 'connects' with another person to the extent that one really feels that one is in tune with that person to share thoughts, ideas, happenings and experiences. Life, with all its absurdities, is for living but, sadly, too often this is a view not shared by others and so it is especially good when one has as a friend someone who thinks in a similar way. We can so well imagine the two of you together!
As for the two of you together, count us in! We are always game for something new!!
oh so sorry to hear of that unpleasant experience (not to say that rude comment about your blog). i say, don't waste another moment on the unpleasant things in life and move on. i once got someone a little something for their housewarming party but gave it to her in the office because i couldn't go at the last minute. it was old fashioned caramel popcorn and she proceeded to eat it in the office. then about 10 minutes later she said "ugh, i gotta stop putting this junk in my system. it's gross." i know caramel popcorn isn't the most healthiest of snacks but her comment just made me regret getting her anything and glad that i couldn't make it to her housewarming. so glad to be connected to you and your blog. i love your writing!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, Jane, when you say not to waste another moment on either these things or, and this makes such sense, the unpleasant things in life.
DeleteWe cannot believe the reaction of your friend to your gift. Totally thoughtless and unkind and, as is so often the case, taking no account of the feelings of the person, you in this instance, who has thought to give something. So very, very strange.
We are delighted to be connected with you and thank you so much for becoming our latest Follower.
Dearest Jane,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you about the lack of politeness in this world today. I am a teacher and I used to teach 10 year olds for nine years. I had to teach them how to BE, how to be kind and thoughtful, as well as deliver the curriculum. These days, I teach teenagers, ages 14 and high school age, and I find I have to battle with their portable phones or ipads. It has come down to the fact that these kids don't even want to hear the teacher speak, but would rather look at their screen.
Thank-yous are rare these days, kindness, something that a community CELEBRATES on the nightly news because it has become so rare. All I want is kindness, and I cannot agree with you more. And THANK YOU dearest Jane, for coming to visit my post! See, I just want to appreciate the delicate things in life that actually are strong examples of our place in this world as responsible keepers of nature, our future, each other.
Much love, and enjoy a fantastic weekend! Anita
Dearest Anita,
DeleteAs we so often remark to each other [and anyone else who cares to listen!!] that in an age in which the world has never before been so closely connected there has never been so much disconnect.
We also spent many years teaching, English and Maths, to 11-18 year olds and so do identify completely with what you say here. In fact we would often remark that one had to 'perform' better than the previous night's television!!
We do, as you, really value kindness above all else and cannot understand those who think otherwise or who deliberately set out to hurt.
We both wish you much happiness and joy this weekend. Take care.